"My Greatest Blessings"

Why do I deserve this? This has run through my head over and over and over again. I am not the most beautiful, I am not the most talented, I am not the skinniest girl, I am not the nicest person all the time, I am not physically normal. I have a disability. I have a stupid disability. I walk and people can see that I am different. I wished that the only could get a birds eye view of what goes on within myself. I am normal. I am just as beautiful as every other girl that walks normal down the street. I am talented. My Heavenly Father has blessed me with so many talents (I just need to develop them more so I don't loose them), I am skinny (I have had 4 kids, and that muffin top is proof of it, maybe not model skinny but muscle does weigh more than fat), I am a nice person that loves to serve others so when my life is feeling completely out of control and I can't get a grip on it I reach out to others that are struggling and those struggles may be more than my own, and why not get my mind off of the "Whoa Me's" that my life sucks! Well guess what.......Life doesn't suck! I have the best life in the world. Yes, I was hit with a divorce this past year, but I am not going to let that determine how my life moves forward now. I am so blessed. I have 4 amazing children. Tabby is so helpful, I can ask her to help me with anything, and even with the 13 year old response, "Welllllll, of course NOT!" I turn my head and blessed that girls heart she is doing what I have asked, and goes beyond what I have asked of her. She is my right hand!! Travis is so creative. He loves to draw anything he sets his mind to. He asked me just yesterday "Mom, where did I get my drawing talents from you or Dad?" Well of course me I told him, but honestly his Dad nor I draw. He loves to build and create things out of legoes. He has this fascination of legoes. He is always building something new, and showing it of too everyone, including the neighbors while they are mowing their lawn. Bryson he is my head strong child. He can be very bull headed. I will be honest he gets that from me. (If someone has to take the blame on things, I will be honest it is me this.) It can get hard at times with him when he sets his mind to something if it doesn't goes his way then pretty much everyone must take the highway and stay clear of him. Benjamin is so loving! He loves everyone and if you are a girl don't be suprised if he calls you "Girlfriend". I am so blessed to have 4 amazing children that love me. They love me for who I am, and look past all my imperfections. I am the most blessed Mom in the world, and would not trade one thing for any of this.

"Thankful"

My heart is overwhelming full of thankfulness for a very loving, understanding and watchful Heavenly Father.  I have had dealt with a very troubled marriage over the past 17 years.  We had our ups and downs of valleys and hills.  I just wanted to feel loved.  I just wanted to feel appreciated.  I just wanted to feel needed in someones life.  I filed for a divorce last November, and it was final on January 6, 2012.  How hard to have to deal with being separated and feeling so alone.  I learned quite quickly that I was not alone.  Even though my Mom and Dad were over 4,500 miles away serving a mission in London, England for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but all my sibblings talk very little to each other, and if they do it seems like they have nothing to say nice about the other person.  I so wished we could get along, and be able to enjoy one anothers company.  I learned that if I dropped to my knees and spoke to my Heavenly Father above he was listening to me.  He knew of my hurts, my desires, my heartache, my concerns for my 4 little ones, and he knew me personally.  He knew what I needed at every given moment in my life whether it was to prepare me for something the very next day or even months or years down the road, he knew how to prepare me for that next bump in the road.  I have alot to be thankful for.  I have been blessed my entire life with Cerebral Palsy.  Don't know if I could always call it a blessing, but today I honestly can tell you what a great blessing it has been in my life.  Yesterday my Best Friend, whose name is also Kristen (and she spells it right.) had waited for this day for a very long time.  She has 5 boys (Landen, Seth, Wyatt, Ethen, and Quinten) She was expecting her last child, making this number 6!  We all waited anxiously to hear of the good news of the little bundle of joy to arrive.  I got the text it had arrive.  When asking what the baby was the response I got was "A Baby, duh"  obviously this wasn't Kristen but her cute, fun husband who loves to make us all wait.  I asked questions like does it have hair, the statistics (weight, length, and time it was born).  I finally got a text aksing if I was going to come and visit.  I wanted to so bad, but it was only an hour after this little one had arrived here on earth.  I agreed, and as I got excited to go and see this new little one, I also had this feeling of something wasn't right.  Kristen wasn't doing well after the delivery, and was quite sick to her stomach.  I was really worried.  This is my friend that lives just the next street over that either I am there at her house, or she is here at my house, everyday of the week.  As my boyfriend (yes, I am dating already and that is another wonderful story I will have to share) and I drove to the hospital on our way home from his cousins funeral I had a headache, it kept getting worst, and I think it was the worry that came across me as I heard the news that my dear, sweet friend Kristen wasn't jumping back to the norm after having this little one.  She told me the prior day, she doesn't have complications and that her recoveries are great, not one problem!  We arrived at the hospital, I did finally find out prior to getting to the hospital that she had had a BABY GIRL!  We made it to her room, and I was able to sit, and enjoy the life of this new one.  I was able to experience today each end of a spectrum where you celebrate the life of someone who left this earth to return back to our Heavenly Father with no warning, then just a few short hours later you mee the life of a new baby who has just left the prescence of our Heavenly Father.  Amazing!  As I sat and adored this beautiful princess my friend Kristen states out of the blue she doesn't have a hand.  A left hand she tells me specifically.  The words echoed in my head over and over and over again "Kristen, she has no left hand."  She looked so perfect swaddled in this blanket with not one sign of anything being wrong.  I lost it, tears flowing down my face as I adored this princess even more.  She is amazing she is more than perfect is the thought that kept running through my head.  Harlee Don was missing her left hand.  As we sat there in the hospital room and enjoyed this precious little girl, I felt a connection with her.  Kristen is so worried about how catty girls are going to be as she grows up.  I cannot lie and say it isn't that bad. It can be at times.  It can be so hard that you want to crawl up under a blanket and pillow and never come out.  Girls can be mean!  As I have had the last day to think everything over and let it all sink in.  I have realized how thankful I need to be about having a disability.  It makes me who I am.  I don't know anything different then what it is like to walk around with an abnormal scissor walk.  People stare, is that easy absolutely not, but the older I have gotten the more I have realized that it doesn't matter.  I also know why Kristen and I have connected so well as friends.  I know we were meant to be friends.  Everytime we would talk about where we looked at homes, the other would say we looked at a house just across the street or around the corner.  One other thing I know about this, is that they wanted this little girl so bad that Heavenly Father knew he could send her to their home, and she would be loved, and taken care.  How do you think these 5 older brothers of hers are going to handle it when they hear of any mean girl picking on their baby sister Harlee?  I sure wouldn't want to be in that mean girls shoes.  5 big brothers who are going to protect her like no other.  No one will ever think twice about making fun of Harlee Don once they find out she has 5 older brothers.  I know after much praying over the past day that my Heavenly Father sent Harlee Don to Kristen and Steve because they are the most amazing, most selfless, most giving, strong, and most loving people I know of.  They are an amazing couple!  They have loved me for who I am, and have never judge me because of my disability.  Many times Kristen has to remind me that she forgets that I have a disability, so then it reminds me.  I must admit when you are happy, and life is running smoothly you do forget that you have a disability.  Thank You God for this disability.  I have been blessed greatly.